Pause. Breathe. Let go.

                I guess this sudden urge to write has hit me out of nowhere. It’s been a rough day, but luckily there’s only a few hours left and I’ll be able to claim Thursday. I felt the need to vent to my fellow blogspotters and my regular readers about everything that’s been going on and that through it all I’m learning to stand back up on my own two feet and move forward.

                First things first I’ve been sick for the past three days which is never any fun. I can specifically remember being younger laughing and thinking how lucky I was to never have allergies and then boom; I now have allergies as a young adult. Karma. Not only is being sick one of the worst things for anybody, I am painstakingly stubborn when it comes to taking medicine and drinking fluids. Being sick is the one thing that knocks me on my butt and makes me scream out for my mommy.

                I woke up this morning and attended my regular Wednesday class. Ahh, Spanish, not saying that it’s my worst class or least favorite, but it is definitely one of my classes that involves a lot of studying, tears and dedication. For those who do not know me, I do not speak Spanish; I know I know it’s disappointing. Regardless, I sat in my desk mentally preparing myself to hold full blown conversations with my peers in an unknown language when she handed back our grades for our oral interviews that we had Monday. Let’s just say I didn’t do as well as I had hoped. Again with the assumptions I didn’t fail, but to go from making A’s on all my other Spanish interviews from last semester to let’s just say an average grade I was to say the least disappointed.

                Another scoop of poop-cream was added to my oh-so-delicious Wednesday sundae when I found out that the two classes that I have taken for Spanish supposedly won’t even count towards my minor. Sooooo…I’m taking these classes for what exactly? Basically I’ll be stuck taking Spanish classes until I’m 87 while using a walker and carrying my IV bag around BB Comer Hall.

                Unfortunately, it’s midterm season as well and I have to get one midterm grade back for my American Literature class that’s 25% of my grade, he then proceeds to tell my class that the average grade is running in the 75-80. Yeahhhh...not too thrilled about that average. I have a History midterm coming up that is worth 20% of my grade. Pray for me.

                In the midst of all of this, I’m trying to remain level-headed about life and optimistic about the future. After a good cry and a few hours of the Eeyore attitude I began forcing myself to view things in brighter light.

• I’m meeting with my Spanish teacher Friday to discuss possible ways to improve myself in class.
• Currently taking allergy medication, and for those of you that know me that’s a big deal so be proud.
• I’ll be meeting with my academic advisor to discuss the next route of classes I’ll need to take for the upcoming semester. Within the meeting I might decide to double major in Journalism and Spanish since I’ll already be putting in all the work.
• Studying. Studying. Studying. I could sit here all day and night complaining about all the assignments I have to do, but nothing ever gets done without effort.

          The point of this blog is simple; everyone has bad days, but it’s what you do about those bad days that really determine what kind of person you are. A little motto to live by and remember is that anything worth having is worth fighting and working for.

          I found a picture last night and I really feel like it was God’s little way of preparing me for what I had in store for today. It is simply the five rules of happiness.

    

         One of the simplest and realest things I've read in awhile. I guess it's all easier said than done, but I aim to try and shape my life around these five rules. Just remember that you're not the only one out there struggling, and that regardless of how you may feel someone will always be able to relate to you on some kind of level. 

         Until next time...xoxo

it's weekends like this...

                

                As everyone knows, school has been consuming my life this past month. The flooding of due dates and assignments has been flooding my calendar and mind. The process of getting things done seems to be never-ending, but hey this is what our high school teachers warned us about right? Not.

                On a more positive note, this past weekend was wonderful. Even though it was consumed with books I didn’t want to read, papers I didn’t want to write, I actually got a lot done and I even got to enjoy the gorgeous weather we were having!

                Despite the awkward comic book convention happening on the campus I was able to find a quaint little spot on the Quad with my blanket, frappe, and books. I did almost get attacked by a squirrel and people were looking at me strange for playing my Buena Vista Club music, but it gave me a little giggle so I guess that’s all that really matters.

                I took a few pictures and the roommate and I made a little video to document our day outside. I hope you guys are doing well and pushing through the semester, just remember only a few more weeks until spring break. You can make it!  

Randomness.

My friend...you know the director?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx4a4i9PyUI

My friend Daniel Barnes and his director/movie debut! It's a fantastic short film about everyday life and crushes of the college student. Please go watch and go vote!

Enjoy!

This Cogitative Little Wednesday...

It’s a rush of hormones at once. The uncontrollable sigh deep within your chest penetrates your deepest emotions and before you know it, physical evidence of emotion runs from your eyes. “Typical female”,  I think to myself, looking out my window at the sullen weather brings about tears that have been building up for weeks. I can conclude the numerous reasons why I probably feel this way on this random Wednesday and while I contemplate possible solutions, it does feel good to just let go and cry.

The constant stress from school bombardes my thoughts as I contemplate my probability of succeeding or failing. The failure devil dances around in my sub-conscience and despite all my efforts to shoo him away he’ll never really leave me alone. What’s plan B from here if I don’t make it? I replay the possible scene of my parents looking at me with disappointment in their eyes, embarrassment in their hearts.

The pressure I feel from the mass amount of weight on my shoulders and heart as I proceed to make my own decisions about the people in my life.  Let him go; keep him in my life. Moving on from friends who once brought me the happiest days now bring nothing but distance and the unknown. Within less than a year the people around me have dropped like flies due to no particular circumstances but as simply as I can put it; life.

All of this, I know, is just a part of growing up and coming into my own. I don’t want to look back on my life and know that I started everything too late, I’d rather enjoy my time here on Earth enjoying everything I possibly can before God feels like it’s my time to go. The somewhat dismal days will come whenever they please, but I take comfort in knowing my bright and happy days outweigh the bad. As I end my latest entry I recite this prayer to myself which provides a little strength and peace for the day.

Serenity Prayer

By: Reinhold Niebuhr's

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other. 

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Aflac.

So today marks the first day of February, and let me say I’m glad that knocks one month down out of this semester. I love the University don’t get me wrong, but classes are kicking my butt this go around and I am beyond ready to get all of this over with.

On another note this past weekend here was beautiful! The fact that the weather jumped thirty degrees into warmer weather was a nice surprise and definitely encouraged me to push through until spring break! My roommate Brea and I decided that before we went to go run errands for the day we would go feed the ducks by our dorm rooms. It’s corny I know, but simple things please us.

They were greedy little things and sadly segregated themselves by color…I guess nothing ever changes huh? And to think, those ducks should have known its Black History Month, yet they continued to push the brown and black with white ducks off to the side. Meanies.

Well I hope everyone is still enjoying their spring semester and if you’re struggling, even the slightest bit, just remember a break is right around the corner!

Until next time…xoxo

First Day of Spring....