Pause. Breathe. Let go.

                I guess this sudden urge to write has hit me out of nowhere. It’s been a rough day, but luckily there’s only a few hours left and I’ll be able to claim Thursday. I felt the need to vent to my fellow blogspotters and my regular readers about everything that’s been going on and that through it all I’m learning to stand back up on my own two feet and move forward.

                First things first I’ve been sick for the past three days which is never any fun. I can specifically remember being younger laughing and thinking how lucky I was to never have allergies and then boom; I now have allergies as a young adult. Karma. Not only is being sick one of the worst things for anybody, I am painstakingly stubborn when it comes to taking medicine and drinking fluids. Being sick is the one thing that knocks me on my butt and makes me scream out for my mommy.

                I woke up this morning and attended my regular Wednesday class. Ahh, Spanish, not saying that it’s my worst class or least favorite, but it is definitely one of my classes that involves a lot of studying, tears and dedication. For those who do not know me, I do not speak Spanish; I know I know it’s disappointing. Regardless, I sat in my desk mentally preparing myself to hold full blown conversations with my peers in an unknown language when she handed back our grades for our oral interviews that we had Monday. Let’s just say I didn’t do as well as I had hoped. Again with the assumptions I didn’t fail, but to go from making A’s on all my other Spanish interviews from last semester to let’s just say an average grade I was to say the least disappointed.

                Another scoop of poop-cream was added to my oh-so-delicious Wednesday sundae when I found out that the two classes that I have taken for Spanish supposedly won’t even count towards my minor. Sooooo…I’m taking these classes for what exactly? Basically I’ll be stuck taking Spanish classes until I’m 87 while using a walker and carrying my IV bag around BB Comer Hall.

                Unfortunately, it’s midterm season as well and I have to get one midterm grade back for my American Literature class that’s 25% of my grade, he then proceeds to tell my class that the average grade is running in the 75-80. Yeahhhh...not too thrilled about that average. I have a History midterm coming up that is worth 20% of my grade. Pray for me.

                In the midst of all of this, I’m trying to remain level-headed about life and optimistic about the future. After a good cry and a few hours of the Eeyore attitude I began forcing myself to view things in brighter light.

• I’m meeting with my Spanish teacher Friday to discuss possible ways to improve myself in class.
• Currently taking allergy medication, and for those of you that know me that’s a big deal so be proud.
• I’ll be meeting with my academic advisor to discuss the next route of classes I’ll need to take for the upcoming semester. Within the meeting I might decide to double major in Journalism and Spanish since I’ll already be putting in all the work.
• Studying. Studying. Studying. I could sit here all day and night complaining about all the assignments I have to do, but nothing ever gets done without effort.

          The point of this blog is simple; everyone has bad days, but it’s what you do about those bad days that really determine what kind of person you are. A little motto to live by and remember is that anything worth having is worth fighting and working for.

          I found a picture last night and I really feel like it was God’s little way of preparing me for what I had in store for today. It is simply the five rules of happiness.

    

         One of the simplest and realest things I've read in awhile. I guess it's all easier said than done, but I aim to try and shape my life around these five rules. Just remember that you're not the only one out there struggling, and that regardless of how you may feel someone will always be able to relate to you on some kind of level. 

         Until next time...xoxo

it's weekends like this...

                

                As everyone knows, school has been consuming my life this past month. The flooding of due dates and assignments has been flooding my calendar and mind. The process of getting things done seems to be never-ending, but hey this is what our high school teachers warned us about right? Not.

                On a more positive note, this past weekend was wonderful. Even though it was consumed with books I didn’t want to read, papers I didn’t want to write, I actually got a lot done and I even got to enjoy the gorgeous weather we were having!

                Despite the awkward comic book convention happening on the campus I was able to find a quaint little spot on the Quad with my blanket, frappe, and books. I did almost get attacked by a squirrel and people were looking at me strange for playing my Buena Vista Club music, but it gave me a little giggle so I guess that’s all that really matters.

                I took a few pictures and the roommate and I made a little video to document our day outside. I hope you guys are doing well and pushing through the semester, just remember only a few more weeks until spring break. You can make it!  

Randomness.

My friend...you know the director?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx4a4i9PyUI

My friend Daniel Barnes and his director/movie debut! It's a fantastic short film about everyday life and crushes of the college student. Please go watch and go vote!

Enjoy!

This Cogitative Little Wednesday...

It’s a rush of hormones at once. The uncontrollable sigh deep within your chest penetrates your deepest emotions and before you know it, physical evidence of emotion runs from your eyes. “Typical female”,  I think to myself, looking out my window at the sullen weather brings about tears that have been building up for weeks. I can conclude the numerous reasons why I probably feel this way on this random Wednesday and while I contemplate possible solutions, it does feel good to just let go and cry.

The constant stress from school bombardes my thoughts as I contemplate my probability of succeeding or failing. The failure devil dances around in my sub-conscience and despite all my efforts to shoo him away he’ll never really leave me alone. What’s plan B from here if I don’t make it? I replay the possible scene of my parents looking at me with disappointment in their eyes, embarrassment in their hearts.

The pressure I feel from the mass amount of weight on my shoulders and heart as I proceed to make my own decisions about the people in my life.  Let him go; keep him in my life. Moving on from friends who once brought me the happiest days now bring nothing but distance and the unknown. Within less than a year the people around me have dropped like flies due to no particular circumstances but as simply as I can put it; life.

All of this, I know, is just a part of growing up and coming into my own. I don’t want to look back on my life and know that I started everything too late, I’d rather enjoy my time here on Earth enjoying everything I possibly can before God feels like it’s my time to go. The somewhat dismal days will come whenever they please, but I take comfort in knowing my bright and happy days outweigh the bad. As I end my latest entry I recite this prayer to myself which provides a little strength and peace for the day.

Serenity Prayer

By: Reinhold Niebuhr's

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other. 

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Aflac.

So today marks the first day of February, and let me say I’m glad that knocks one month down out of this semester. I love the University don’t get me wrong, but classes are kicking my butt this go around and I am beyond ready to get all of this over with.

On another note this past weekend here was beautiful! The fact that the weather jumped thirty degrees into warmer weather was a nice surprise and definitely encouraged me to push through until spring break! My roommate Brea and I decided that before we went to go run errands for the day we would go feed the ducks by our dorm rooms. It’s corny I know, but simple things please us.

They were greedy little things and sadly segregated themselves by color…I guess nothing ever changes huh? And to think, those ducks should have known its Black History Month, yet they continued to push the brown and black with white ducks off to the side. Meanies.

Well I hope everyone is still enjoying their spring semester and if you’re struggling, even the slightest bit, just remember a break is right around the corner!

Until next time…xoxo

First Day of Spring....

Groundhog Day on repeat. Groundhog Day on repeat.

I have a dilemma. Well rather, I have an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can’t get rid of. The motions of my days seem to puddle together and it feels as if I can no longer differentiate between which day is what. The what seem to be never-ending functions of my days are as follows:

1.       Wake up

2.       Get ready

3.       Eat breakfast

4.       Walk to class

5.       Take a break in between classes

6.       Sleep

7.       Go to another class

8.       Eat lunch

9.       Sleep

10.   Go to another class

11.   Relax

12.   Study

13.   Dinner

14.   Exercise

15.   Study

16.   Study

17.   Sleep

Looking at it now it’s rather depressing and while I do have great moments throughout my day it feels as if I’m living in my own personal version of Groundhog’s Day, you know with Bill Murray, where he wakes up every day, in the same day, to only figure out that no matter what he does differently it will never change; the next morning he will wake up to the same song playing on the radio.

I’m not necessarily saying I’m unhappy, I just feel like this can’t be it; I mean really??? A part of me, on a whim, just wants to pack everything I own, move to New York, attend Columbia University and really go after what I want the most. I feel like we’re all just here stalling doing mediocre things waiting on a mediocre life. I just can’t. I guess the one conclusion I can draw up is to make changes rather than sit around and wait for the sky to fall onto my head. I’m going to aim to be a little bit more optimistic about things surrounding me, people, places, etc. This could just be my just-turned-nineteen-quarter life-crisis.

Until next time blogspotters.

First Video Hello!

Sober boys around me be actin like they drunk...

So as I predicted craziness was definitely in my forecast for this semester. Barely two weeks in to my time back at the university things have definitely gotten out of hand.

                I’ve had the whole dorm to myself this weekend. Not only did Suzie-Stink-a-Lot move out sometime last week (praise the Lord!), my roomies unfortunately decided to go home again this weekend. As lonely as it can get, it has been kind of nice to let’s just say “get back in touch with myself” (that sounds kind of dirty know that I think about it).

As a part of my “alone-time regiment” I decided to cook myself a lovely dinner of penne pasta with vodka cream sauce and a delicious French bread. I later decided to get ahead with some work to hopefully ease the stress of my upcoming school week and afterwards chose to go to sleep a little early in order to start my Saturday off right. While I was in my delicious deep sleep I heard a loud knocking in my dream and before I knew it I was awake to an actual knocking, well rather banging, on my front door. I creeped my way to the peep hole and noticed some guy I’ve never seen before in the hall, punching the wall, and of course banging on my door.

First thought. What the h…well you know. I decided to try and ignore it and just go back to sleep, but before I could walk back to my room homeboy decides to try and open the door. So not only is he thrusting all of his body weight into my front door, he’s trying to open it as well. *panic mode* I run back to my room, close the door and deadbolt the thing. I scrambled all over my room for the dormitory office number and of course can’t find it; anywhere. Chaos fills my body and I start to shake and cry. I mean, what if this dude gets in??? I can’t take him on with the little bit of pepper spray that I have, I mean what damage could I possibly do???

                Finally, it stops. I decided to be bold and I went downstairs and before I could even make my way to the elevator I see the same guy passed out on the lobby floor. I should’ve kicked him in his face because I’m pretty sure he was so intoxicated he wouldn’t have even woken up, but that’s beside the point, I went to the office and filed the appropriate complaint. The on-call resident assistant luckily took care of it and even recruited two boys to carry the drunken punk back into a room.

                All in all homeboy probably wasn’t technically trying to “break-in” in a drunken frenzy he probably just got my room confused with a room he was staying in, but nevertheless it was one of the most terrifying things that’s happened to me here. Let’s just hope I can sleep in peace tonight.

Hello Spring Semester!

So I’m back. Well I never really went missing, so let’s just say I’m back in the swing of things and my daily routines with a few changes here and there.

Classes have officially started and ironically enough they started this past Wednesday on my nineteenth birthday. It was my first time away from home on my birthday and I can happily say I was pleasantly surprised with how wonderful it was! After going to my two classes for the day I met up with my roommates to eat lunch and they were waiting there with this…

They’re so cute.

Backtracking a little bit, I was actually surprised upon the day of my arrival at school. I walked in my room to find these things waiting on my bed. The shoes are scrumptious and he definitely did a good job, he knows I love cheetah print. The mystery man will more than likely forever remain a mystery, but I will say that him and I go way back, but in the end have decided to remain friends. It’s for the best, I’m almost 100% sure of that. That cute little, well not so little, teddy bear below is my friend J he was given to me sophomore year by the same mystery man and he figured I’d like to have it with me at school so he brought that too. It was a pleasant surprise.

I also got some gorgeous bouquets of flowers; that big one in the back is from a sweetie of mine. He’s a great guy. (You can refer to my other posting "A Piece of Mind" and find out how sweet he really is)The little one is from my sister who drove all the way from her house to take me out to dinner that night. LOVE HER.

All in all, I had one of the best birthday’s to date, no matter how simple it was.

My classes aren’t too bad really. I ended up dropping a class so I’m only taking a mere thirteen hours. Luckily I got a little ahead in high school, so hopefully it won’t push me back too far. Spanish 201 will be interesting to say the least. My teacher feels a personal connection with me I guess due to the fact we’re both Latina; so comfortable in fact, she pulled me out of class the first day and had a full blown ten minute conversation with me in Spanish. Ehh, I don’t think she realized that I am in 201 and not 401. Oh well….crazy Latin people. I’m in my right mind to say that my history teacher is on something else. I have five novels to read on top of everything else in there, I even have to read half a novel by this upcoming Thursday. We’ll see how that goes. I’ve bought most of my books, I in fact am only missing one. Yes ladies and gentlemen, below this line you will find over $350 worth of college literature. It’s depressing; all the luscious outfits that could have bought.

So for now, I’m happy with how everything has turned out. I even got my newspapers back! I’ve missed reading the news everyday from the best papers ever.

 Excuse the rough look...it's been a rough Friday of classes.

Keep your eye out for some more exciting things. Knowing how crazy everything got last semester this spring is bound to be an adventure.

XOXO

transformation.

I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. In my opinion, they’re rather silly. If you want to make a change in yourself, then it’s best to do it whatever day at whatever time. A new year means nothing.

Lately, as I look at myself in the mirror and contemplate who I am, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are things I need to change about myself in order to become a better person. It may seem that I’m out for pity, or for needed compliments to help me feel better about who I currently am, but I can confidently say I don’t care what anybody thinks about my newfound wanted change.

I just know one thing. I’m not as happy as I should be. I need a happier attitude. I want to feel more confident about the people I surround myself with. I need to be more independent and stop depending on certain people in my life.

I’m trying to find the balance of strength and benevolence. I don’t want to be known as the girl who is alone because she’s too hard on herself and others; in turn, I don’t want to be the girl known for continuously getting her feelings hurt because she let’s any and everyone in. I need to be more understanding of people’s situations and realize that not everyone is as blessed as me. I have to understand that not everyone has good in them, and that the devil inside people is what can’t be trusted.

I refuse to be defeated by this little thing we call life. I want to conquer it, work in harmony with it. The simple fact is we’re not given all the time in the world, so why not work with what we have and make the best of it?

Peace. Love. Happy 2011.