A piece of mind...

It’s rare really. I never find the need to truly express myself especially when it comes to loving somebody. I think of myself as an affectionate person but things can be perceived differently from the inside looking out, but tonight, I find it necessary to get a few things off of my chest.

Recently, I have found myself fighting a battle between my mind and heart. It sounds corny I’m sure, but truth is, I feel as if my insides are going through a hellish war and there’s nothing I can do until one side throws up the white flag.

Being in love is a huge step and I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I am, I’ve always felt that if you’re really in love then there’s really no question on whether you are or aren’t, but I do find myself having deep feelings for someone close to me.

Things have been complicated between us two, to say the least, and it’s really nothing new, but this time things are different. As I find myself getting older I feel as if I am a little more conscious about the decisions I should make, and for once, I am completely stuck. Questioning myself on whether or not I should stick around and wait it out constantly bombard my thoughts, and while a big part of me wants to let him go due to fear of getting hurt, I just can’t. There’s something in him that keeps me latched on and for the past few years I can’t figure out what it is. We’ve always had that lovey-dovey relationship, and while I quite enjoy it certain circumstances have kept us from really reaching our full potential.

There’s just something about him that makes me comfortable; to the point where I feel like I could spend all day with him and never get tired of it, it’s a weird feeling. He’s kind and thoughtful and definitely one of the sweetest people I have ever known. I guess my fear comes in from all the past “relationships” I’ve had with other beaus; unfortunately, the dismal reality of things is, everyone gets hurt eventually. But the question comes in and is quite simple, who wants to live their life in fear?? I certainly don’t, and that’s why I feel as if the decisions we’ve made about each other can at least, for now, give me a piece of mind. Sometimes waiting and time are all anybody ever really needs, so I should just be grateful for the time I’m given with him and accept the fact things can’t always go my way.

In the end, I just hope that after all this time, and after I have given him a piece of me, he doesn’t feel obligated to stick around because the fact that we had our little moment is enough to give me a piece of mind.